Communication: Why Make Marriage Harder?: Marriage and Money: Why does it Matter?

Marriage and Money: Why does it Matter?

Have you ever thought about the impact that finances and money management have on marriage? I have found in my marriage that money can be the cause of great contention if we are not careful. I feel money management is such a difficult task to agree on because each person in the marriage often has very different ideas about what is appropriate for how to manage finances. Coming together and agreeing on different ways to manage your finances can create a healthier, happier, and better environment for your marriage.

Not many people think about finances before they are married. But, even so, we must realize that in order to succeed whether we are about to get married, or already are, is that communication is the key to success for financial happiness in a family (Hoffman, M. K. 2004). It has to be, because financial problems happen to be the number one cause of stress in a family. “Financial Intimacy starts with better communication”. (Renzulli, K. A. 2017)

Debt

One of the things that is most common these days is that a couple will enter a marriage with debt. (Hoffman, M.K. 2004).

When my husband and I started dating, we had no debt between us. But, we both knew that would change. After being married for just over a year and a half, we now have a car we are paying off, my student loans, credit cards, and a small loan given to us from the Army while my husband’s pay was being fixed after our move. Debt is stressful. It controls what we can spend, and how we live our lives. We knew we needed to make a change, and that started with talking to each other first. Dave Ramsey, a financial spokesman and author has said

“You MUST tell your spouse about your debt, income, financial strengths and weaknesses. No secrets allowed”

Once we communicated with each other, we learned that we have a lot of the same habits when it comes to spending, but we also have the same goals in mind for our family. What we did to help ourselves be better, is we joined a Self-Reliance class on Personal Finance through our church. It is a 12 week course, and by doing it together we can be on the same page about our spending habits. It has us tracking our weekly expenses, counseling weekly as a couple (not just about finances but about our lives in general so that we can be on the same page in every aspect of our lives) and this week we will be learning about budgets, so that we can start to pay off our loans and become free of the debt that is holding us prisoner. But we wouldn’t be able to do it if we didn’t talk to each other openly about our thoughts and expectations. Our wants and our needs. Our goals as people, and as a family. It is never too late to start, and that was proven to me by going to this class. We were the youngest couple there. So start now.

Rachel Cruze is the daughter of Dave Ramsey. She is an author and finance spokeswoman. Here is what she has to say about Marriage and Money:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5Dzv3qaNJs&index=124&list=PLG3zxqqaWnbcyD5ysxWEgWfRFcPaJ8gRG

So, we just learned that money is a BIG deal when it comes to marriage. There is debt to deal with, and you and your spouse need to be able to openly and kindly talk to one another. We learned you can counsel with each other, but where do you start?

In an article called “What You Need To Know (And Had Better Find Out) About Your Spouse’s Money”, Marlys Harris said that a lot of couples couldn’t possibly know where to start with finances, if they first don’t understand what all the assets are. He continued by saying
“You may think you know the basics, like how much your spouse earns and saves, but don't be so sure. When queried about their household's finances, half of the couples in a 2003 study by Ohio State University's Center for Human Resource Research differed by more than 10% in quoting the family's income and by 30% in assessing net worth-mostly because one spouse didn't have a good grip on the other's side of the ledger.”

So what should you know?

ALL sources of Income

You can’t just talk about the salaries. You need to know about commissions and bonuses that may be given at your jobs

Savings and Investments

Do you know each others 401(k)s or IRAs? How are they invested? Do you know about ALL checkings and savings accounts? How much is in them? Make a list of all of these that the other should know about to share when you counsel together.

Any Debts or Obligations

This is where you will need to discuss credit card balances, loans, etc. If one of you has a child that you are paying child support for, you will want to discuss this as well so you can plan for it and make room in your budget.

Make a list of all of these so that when you discuss it together, you are bringing everything to the table and are ready to be open with one another to help make your financial lives better.

What are you doing with your Money?

Are you making bills a priority? Are you putting money into savings? Are you making and sticking to a budget? Is your spouse? Do talk about what you are spending money on? While you may discuss in passing here and there what you are buying and where money is going, it isn’t enough. You both need to be open when spending money, and need to make sure you discuss these things (Harris, M. 2008). Do you know what your spouse’s financial dreams and goals are? Do you know when they really want to retire, and what they want to do with that money? Do they know these things about you? Take the time to talk to each other about your financial dreams and wants. Go on a walk together and discuss this with each other. You will be able to spend time together and find out more about where each other are with finances. Remember, though, when something happens that you don’t agree with, to not get mad. Appreciate their honesty and work out a solution together (Harris, M. 2008).

How much will you Leave?

Life and tragedy happen. We don’t always know when or why, but it is always a possibility that one spouse can die at a young age. It is never a fun thing to have to think about, but it is something that should be done. With my husband in the military, Wills and Power of Attorney’s are not an uncommon subject in our home. If he were to be deployed, we would need to make sure all of our paperwork is in order, and for me that means I need to understand what would happen if he were to not come back. What bills would be left, what exactly would happen afterwards, etc. We need to discuss our daughter we are having soon, and what we would need to have in place for her and her future. While these are not conversations I would suggest having every time you discuss finances, I think bringing it up every few months or so would be a good idea to make sure there are changes made that need to be, and if money or income changes, etc. you will be able to fix it without talking about death constantly.

What Do You Really Know?

Marlys Harris, at the end of his article, gives us some questions we can ask about our spouses to see what we know, and ask them to find the answers. These questions are:

1. How much money did your spouse make last year, including salary, bonuses, commissions and freelance pay?

2. What's the last big purchase (more than $100) your spouse made, and how much did it cost?

3. How much does your spouse owe, counting credit-card balances, car loans and any other debt, aside from your mortgage?

4. What's the current value of your spouse's 401(k) or other principal retirement account?

5. If your spouse passes away, how much will you collect in life insurance (counting both workplace and individual policies)?

BONUS: How much did the two of you report in joint income on your tax return last year?

Making A Budget

A big thing that is important to do while communicating about money with your spouse, is to create a budget. Once You discuss the things we have talked about already (Income, retirement, assets, wills, etc.) then you are ready to sit down and put together a budget together. I say to do this after you talk over everything first, because then you will both have an understanding of the money you need to work with, and you can start on the same page. Putting together a budget can be hard if you don’t know how to create one, or what needs to be on it. What my husband and I use is a free budget created by Dave Ramsey. You can find it at Everydollar.com and sign up for free. It has everything on there that, in my opinion, you could need. You can even add to it and personalize what you need for your situation. One thing we have on there, is date night. It is important you schedule time in your life to spend together, so why wouldn’t you do that with your budget as well? While you are putting it together it will show you how much is left that you can work with and will make a pie chart to see how much goes to different categories each month (food, home, car, etc.) and you can change it monthly or whenever you need based on situations that occur. And there is an app for your phone if you have one that has that capability!

It’s never too late to start fresh and make your financial situation better. It is never too late to sit down and talk to each other and do what you need to for each other and your family. It’s never too late...so why not start now?

Take Away!

1. Write down your Income, Assets, Debt, and Accounts. Have your spouse do the same, and sit down and talk about your lists. Be respectful and honest with each other.

2. Take a “Walk and Talk” with your spouse. Take a morning or evening to go on a short walk with your spouse. Talk about your financial goals, dreams and get to know each other’s thoughts better.

3. Use the “What Do You Know” Questions. Take the time to see what you know, and then switch places. When done, discuss the questions and tell each other the true answers.

4. Make a Budget! Track your expenses for a week or two to see what you spend and where. Save your receipts and use this information to help you better know what you need to put in your budget. Make an account on Everydollar.com to help you, and then download the app on your phone if you can to keep track on the go!

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